so many things have happened.
Rehersals for the One Act are going amazing, but it's hard to detach myself from that character to the character in the scene I'm doing in acting. I've never had to juggle two completely different roles before.
I think I found grey sweater girl. I think her name is Shonda. A bit odd I know, and she has it lovelyly specified on facebook that she likes guys. yay, road block number, well I have to talk to her first and then go from there. I don't even know how to go about it. Don't want to come on strongly and freak her out, that wouldn't be fun and I wouldn't appreciate it if someone did that to me. So, I have to find an approach. I already thought of running into her on my bike (yes, desperate I know) but then figured, not so good idea darling. no not at all.
Either way, I really miss my Jem. she's not mine, but she is. She says that she misses me, and that makes me happy. The fact that tomorrow is the first of nov. and Meg is coming up for Thanksgiving and then it's all the closer to when I can see her again, is relly giving e stuff to look forward too. I can't wait to go home. I'm so totally excited! I can't wait to see Jem. I doubt either of us will be able to restrain much, though we were definatly professionals. I hope we won't, and then we can see what it would be like...
Okay, enough for now.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
haha! I made the 14 blogs!
Depression hit me last Sunday. I didn't want to write about it until now because I would remind myself of how bad I felt. I went to the Newman Center, got into the actual church and basically exploded into tears.
I came to the whole realization that being a Catholic and a lesbian were kind of ironic since the Catholic Church believes that being gay is wrong. So I had this miniature break down of how can I be myself, and keep my faith, and then I talked to Darla, and she helped me see that God is a forgiving and loving God, not a spiteful, condemner. But I guess you can't paint God to be the way you want him to be, that's not right. So really I don't know. I can't not be a lesbian. Trust, I spent all last week trying...and failed miserably. Well, I least I really know that I am. Perhaps one day everything will actually fall into place and life will really make sense. I can't wait to see Jem again. I miss her so very much.
Oh, hormones are being crazy! My friends and I were watching a movie and a lesbian came along named Gina, and ugh, just wanted to kiss her. Not really attracted to her, but it was there. AH! Not good.
I came to the whole realization that being a Catholic and a lesbian were kind of ironic since the Catholic Church believes that being gay is wrong. So I had this miniature break down of how can I be myself, and keep my faith, and then I talked to Darla, and she helped me see that God is a forgiving and loving God, not a spiteful, condemner. But I guess you can't paint God to be the way you want him to be, that's not right. So really I don't know. I can't not be a lesbian. Trust, I spent all last week trying...and failed miserably. Well, I least I really know that I am. Perhaps one day everything will actually fall into place and life will really make sense. I can't wait to see Jem again. I miss her so very much.
Oh, hormones are being crazy! My friends and I were watching a movie and a lesbian came along named Gina, and ugh, just wanted to kiss her. Not really attracted to her, but it was there. AH! Not good.
Rants 'cause I'm good at them
AHH! Why DO I BOTHER?! I HATE IT! THEN I HAVE THESE POWER SURGES AND ALL AND THINK, I HAVE PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME, I DON'T NEED THAT. THEN I FALL BACK INTO BUT IT WAS SO NICE WHEN WE WERE. IT COULD BE NICE AGAIN. NOPE, GO RUB IT IN MY FUCKING FACE. FUCK YOU. I DON'T NEED THAT, I REALLY DON'T. THIS IS ME MOVING ON. NO LESBIANS, (OR HARDLY) AND HERE IS SD BUT WHO GIVES A FUCKING SHIT? I CAN BE HAPPY WITHOUT YOUR LOVE. HA!
This an example of how I currently feel, but trust me guys, i know myself, this won't last long. We'll see.
I love Spamalot. Makes me happy. My power music.
Girl's say they;re stupid when they've stayed with aperson for so long, and they keep getting screwed over. What's funny, is that the common strand between them, is that they want to save whomever it is that they are with. It becomes a sort of dd obsession to save that person, that they think they are the only one in that capacity to do so.
This an example of how I currently feel, but trust me guys, i know myself, this won't last long. We'll see.
I love Spamalot. Makes me happy. My power music.
Girl's say they;re stupid when they've stayed with aperson for so long, and they keep getting screwed over. What's funny, is that the common strand between them, is that they want to save whomever it is that they are with. It becomes a sort of dd obsession to save that person, that they think they are the only one in that capacity to do so.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Odd dream
Well, as sickly little college student, I took some medicine and went to sleep.
In my land of slumber, this is what occured.
I was in space, one of the most prized warriors, with really fancy ass weapons. Our ship was attacked and I had to of course defend it, and the way I did that was detroying the man's weapon, which just so happened to be a frisbee made out of material. He cried. Weird I know.
So then I went off to this asylum/nursing home place, to be a worker there and help out with the old people and with the kids. There were about 10-15 other girls there who worked there. Some were talking about lesbians and how some of them thought it was weird, and this one girl was totally a lesbian and we told her that we knew she was. Then I stood up and I said that I was too. Then I heard a really loud pitched sound, and that was telling me that someone in the room was down in the dumps. It was the girl sitting across the table from me. I told her what I was "feeling" from her. I told her to follow me. We went up a flight of stairs and I kissed her. She was a bit reluctant at first, but then she kissed me back. (What happened after that, will not be disclosed, but I'm assuming that you know.) First time I have actually done something other than kiss a girl in my dreams.
Then the other girls trecked upstairs and this other got pissed becuase she liked me, and then this whole fight broke out and men in nursing uniforms with big muscles helped me and a few others break it apart, but not before a girl got spliced with a golden axe (Like they would have one in an asylum) and bled all over the place.
After I woke up from this dream, I realized, I was being tricked and being told that I was working there, but really, I was an inmate.
Two guesses on who the girl looked like.
In my land of slumber, this is what occured.
I was in space, one of the most prized warriors, with really fancy ass weapons. Our ship was attacked and I had to of course defend it, and the way I did that was detroying the man's weapon, which just so happened to be a frisbee made out of material. He cried. Weird I know.
So then I went off to this asylum/nursing home place, to be a worker there and help out with the old people and with the kids. There were about 10-15 other girls there who worked there. Some were talking about lesbians and how some of them thought it was weird, and this one girl was totally a lesbian and we told her that we knew she was. Then I stood up and I said that I was too. Then I heard a really loud pitched sound, and that was telling me that someone in the room was down in the dumps. It was the girl sitting across the table from me. I told her what I was "feeling" from her. I told her to follow me. We went up a flight of stairs and I kissed her. She was a bit reluctant at first, but then she kissed me back. (What happened after that, will not be disclosed, but I'm assuming that you know.) First time I have actually done something other than kiss a girl in my dreams.
Then the other girls trecked upstairs and this other got pissed becuase she liked me, and then this whole fight broke out and men in nursing uniforms with big muscles helped me and a few others break it apart, but not before a girl got spliced with a golden axe (Like they would have one in an asylum) and bled all over the place.
After I woke up from this dream, I realized, I was being tricked and being told that I was working there, but really, I was an inmate.
Two guesses on who the girl looked like.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Time is consistent but life is full of random occurences
Time is passing by so fast, it's quite hard to keep up.
I am in a one act where I have to play an 11 yr old. I have sisters around that age, so it shouldn't be hard to get ideas, what will be hard, is actually trying to convince the audience that I am indeed 11 yrs old in a leotard who developed very quickly for age body wise, but doesn't know what procrastination means.
I keep see this girl around campus. I saw here in the commons one day eating lunch with a known lesbain (wasn't by herself with her), and I found her rather attractive. Anyway, she's known as Grey Sweater Girl. I've seen her twice since then. I like her. If she's straight there may be a chance of that not really being true. I wonder if I should just randomly ask her to lunch. That would be weird. "Hey, want to have lunch with my sometime?" Yeah, lesbian, and I think you're cute/hot/attractive, make an ass of myself. Not that forward people.
There's a quote on someone's marker board in the dorm hallway that says something along the lines of: 20 years from now you won't regret what you did, but rather what you didn't do. That's so true. The 20 years don't even apply, it's just time in general.
How do you live in the moment? I feel like I do so much to waste my time.
Rehersal today at 1:00, rather sleepy, no sun for the past six days, yeah we're all getting irritable and depressed, cabin fever, too much tv and time spent in dorm room, then again it is gross outside and there's no snow, should clean Ralph's tank, I think I should go do that, Jem's birthday next week, need to get to the post office, microsoft still won't fucking work, bad music student, rehearsing should be my life, i should go practice today, failing math, failing theory, currently feeling like failing at life, want to work on the ranch this summer and go to Germany too, money is not exciting, can pay off loan and trip with ranch job, maybe have money left over, probably not much, food and lodging provided, alcohol aloud for under 21 if you work there, that would be funny, riding a horse drunk, no, not cool, messing room, feel bad for julia, toes are getting cold, pinky finger still numb, yummy green tea, not answering phone so much because of bad reception, don't take it personally, what should i do for and hour, don't want to dissapoint director and make her think she made the wrong choice, she's cute, too old for me, not gay, original cast memeber to play the role I'm in...alyssa milano, irony, find it funny. big boobs. hormones are going crazy, really, they're bad, ani difranco = good music for rainy day. Both Hands currently. First line says it's raining. Grammar sucks in this.
I am in a one act where I have to play an 11 yr old. I have sisters around that age, so it shouldn't be hard to get ideas, what will be hard, is actually trying to convince the audience that I am indeed 11 yrs old in a leotard who developed very quickly for age body wise, but doesn't know what procrastination means.
I keep see this girl around campus. I saw here in the commons one day eating lunch with a known lesbain (wasn't by herself with her), and I found her rather attractive. Anyway, she's known as Grey Sweater Girl. I've seen her twice since then. I like her. If she's straight there may be a chance of that not really being true. I wonder if I should just randomly ask her to lunch. That would be weird. "Hey, want to have lunch with my sometime?" Yeah, lesbian, and I think you're cute/hot/attractive, make an ass of myself. Not that forward people.
There's a quote on someone's marker board in the dorm hallway that says something along the lines of: 20 years from now you won't regret what you did, but rather what you didn't do. That's so true. The 20 years don't even apply, it's just time in general.
How do you live in the moment? I feel like I do so much to waste my time.
Rehersal today at 1:00, rather sleepy, no sun for the past six days, yeah we're all getting irritable and depressed, cabin fever, too much tv and time spent in dorm room, then again it is gross outside and there's no snow, should clean Ralph's tank, I think I should go do that, Jem's birthday next week, need to get to the post office, microsoft still won't fucking work, bad music student, rehearsing should be my life, i should go practice today, failing math, failing theory, currently feeling like failing at life, want to work on the ranch this summer and go to Germany too, money is not exciting, can pay off loan and trip with ranch job, maybe have money left over, probably not much, food and lodging provided, alcohol aloud for under 21 if you work there, that would be funny, riding a horse drunk, no, not cool, messing room, feel bad for julia, toes are getting cold, pinky finger still numb, yummy green tea, not answering phone so much because of bad reception, don't take it personally, what should i do for and hour, don't want to dissapoint director and make her think she made the wrong choice, she's cute, too old for me, not gay, original cast memeber to play the role I'm in...alyssa milano, irony, find it funny. big boobs. hormones are going crazy, really, they're bad, ani difranco = good music for rainy day. Both Hands currently. First line says it's raining. Grammar sucks in this.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Quotes :P
These are some quotes that I like, have made an impression on me, make me laugh...ect.
"It didn't rain on my parade, the float exploded" ~ Courtney
"Shit hit the fan" ~I first heard it from Vivian and
"I don't give a flaming fuck" ~ unknown
"Bloody whanka" ~when Laryn says it
"I hate theatre" ~ Drowsy Chaperone
"What kind of society are we if we can't compare pornography to musical theatre?" ~Drowsy Chaperone
"I didn't pay $100 dollars to have the fourth wall come crashing down in my lap" ~ Drowsy Chaperone
"You told Harpo to beat me? HELL NO!" ~ Color Purple
"I am exactly where I need to be, I need to be exactly where I am" ~ Amy Steinberg
"Elbo, it's our word for lesbians" ~anon
"I will distract myself. Oo look! Where? Ahhh!" ~Happy Feet
"Sometimes people just aren't that stupid" ~ me
"Stay in school, don't do drugs" ~ Godspell (Laryn again)
"It's just that... Wahh!!" ~me
"Her dress is so short she's going to trip over her vagina" ~Arthur
"Mmmm, daddy likes!" ~Gene
"You know in England they call them fags?" ~Laryn
"Nice cover for the rehersal from hell!" ~ Ms. Weagly
"Sometimes people just like to fuck with your heart" ~ a teacher
"So you're having a pretty shity day" ~ a teacher (love 'em both!)
"Did you just say we sounded too butch?" ~Abby
"Don't tell me you were just talking to your vagina" ~ Betsy
"I was salutating my vagina" ~ me
"How to salutate your vagina," say I, Arthur ::leans over to look at my spread legs:: "How do you do?"
"This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this." ~ 300
"I'm so nosy" ~ me
"After all that's what your mouth is for, " ~ Abby. "Yeah. Good things, good things, good things..."~me
"I would rather regret having done it than regret not having tried it at all. Bitching and moaning can come later." ~me
"I'm an appetizer." ~ me
"You're a whanker number 9!" ~Luce and Rachel, Imagine Me and You
"Four Catholics, a Jew, and Taylor," ~we know who we are...
"I'll teach you to float if you push me in," ~Abby's modifying of a song
"Let them have fucking cake!" ~me on the French Revolution
"Were you going to say something corny?" ~Abby
::fart:: ~ you know who you are... lol, best ice breaker in the world
"You guys are so weird!" ~ Rebecca Fleminger
"I just joined a line if lesbians." ~ Ashleigh
"The sea is just a wetter version of the sky" ~ Regina Specktor
"I can't help it if I'm helpless everytime I'm with you." ~ Leanne Rhymes
"I just watched a gay guy gag on mr. pibb." ~ Shane in his nonchalant way
"You stole my cherry!" "That's what she said." ~ me, Shane
"I'm waiting for a certain lesbian to get her ass over here!" ~Courtney
"It's Titanic with nasty teeth." ~ Ms. Hilley on Pirates 3
"I'm looking for corny in my life." ~ The Holiday, Iris
"I never realized how pathetic you were," said a random co-worker, "I know. And I'm totally aware of it," sas Iris. ~ The Holiday
"You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life." ~ The Holiday
"You kinda had your chance, and you farted on it." ~ Meg
"Patheticness is radiating." ~anon
"I just made a stupid." ~ me
"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." ~ blog things
"I'm trying to solve my life." ~ me
"If my dreams were desitny, I would so be looking forward to my life." ~ me
"It's easier to make a hole than build a pole." ~ Courtney
"Well it sure as shit ain't sad." ~ Danny Ocean
"I'm a lesbian. Hear me roar ::burp::" ~ Me
"I looked at my tarrot cards and you're not in my future." ~ Danny
"...a douche bag with a mowhawk." ~How I Met Your Mother
"I'm pouting. This is me pouting." ~ Meg (over the phone)
"People are stupid. They make me happy." ~ Meg
"It's like a smoking vagina!" ~Taylor
"I just don't want to wake up one morning and discover she's been crushed by a rock slide." ~ Torch Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
"What did you do yesterday that was so funny?" "I smoked a vagina." ~ Taylor, Me
"My dreams make more sense then my life does." ~ Me
"I am an optimist. But I'm an optimist who takes his raincoat." - Harold Wilson
"Oh, she's seen a parrot! That must mean it's all gonna be okay!" -on Pirates of the Caribbean commentary - Keira Knightley
"Those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands, those of you in the
more expensive ones rattle your jewelry." - John Lennon
"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." - R. Kennedy
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin
"The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary." - Vidal Sassoon
"Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood". --Oscar Wilde
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". ~Gandhi
"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house". ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money." ~Robin Williams
"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you 50,000 dollars for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul." ~Marilyn Monroe
"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got". ~ Garth Brooks
"It not my fault you have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon." ~ Harmione Granger
"You might not like him, but Dumbledore's got style," ~ Harry Potter 5
"Every party needs a pooper, and this family is full of shit heads." ~ me
"Lesbians aren't vegitarians." ~ me
"Sometimes I've believed upto six impossible things before breakfast!" ~ Lewis Caroll
"Life isn't perfect and Walgreens doesn't have what I want, damnit." ~ me
"Stephanie is so good, that she can make people orgasm with her gaze." ~ Chantal
"Liquor in the front, poker in the rear." ~ Shane, from the L Word
"At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate." ~Mererdith Grey's Anatomy
"The world is full of fuckers and they don't wanna fuck me..." ~ anon
"Take a peek into my soul." ~me
"If you want people to stop treating you like crap, stop taking it and demand something better." ~Christina, Grey's Anatomy
"If you have two people ina sleeping bag and they really like eachother, wouldn't that be a fucking bag? A bag in which you fuck?" ~ Erin G
"This coffee tastes like shitty poop." ~ Alice, The L Word
"I know how to break a penis" ~ me (as Gwen in Calling All Girls) blooper
"Mutha fucka!" ~ Calling All Girls
"I'm a hand whore, not a vagina whore," ~ Jessie as Holly Calling All Girls
"I'll cut yo shit off!" ~ Calling All Girls
"There was Holly's va jay jay, flappin' in the breeze *pop air cannon*" ~ Calling All Girls
"Yeah, I'm pretty much dead inside," ~ Holly, Calling All Girls
"I really like sex." ~ Gwen (me) Calling All Girls
"Look, it's suddently fall...it fell today." ~ Tessa
"They're people who know what they're doing. Or at least they're trying really hard..." ~Marcia Kear, on authors who use but, and, or because to begin a sentence.
"Leave me alone and let me come up with my own brilliant shit." ~ me to my literacy narrative
"What if you tried to sing it?" ~ Pris Hagen, on Kevin's and my scene
::runs to door. door won't open:: ~ rehersal for scene with Kevin, me btw
"It didn't rain on my parade, the float exploded" ~ Courtney
"Shit hit the fan" ~I first heard it from Vivian and
"I don't give a flaming fuck" ~ unknown
"Bloody whanka" ~when Laryn says it
"I hate theatre" ~ Drowsy Chaperone
"What kind of society are we if we can't compare pornography to musical theatre?" ~Drowsy Chaperone
"I didn't pay $100 dollars to have the fourth wall come crashing down in my lap" ~ Drowsy Chaperone
"You told Harpo to beat me? HELL NO!" ~ Color Purple
"I am exactly where I need to be, I need to be exactly where I am" ~ Amy Steinberg
"Elbo, it's our word for lesbians" ~anon
"I will distract myself. Oo look! Where? Ahhh!" ~Happy Feet
"Sometimes people just aren't that stupid" ~ me
"Stay in school, don't do drugs" ~ Godspell (Laryn again)
"It's just that... Wahh!!" ~me
"Her dress is so short she's going to trip over her vagina" ~Arthur
"Mmmm, daddy likes!" ~Gene
"You know in England they call them fags?" ~Laryn
"Nice cover for the rehersal from hell!" ~ Ms. Weagly
"Sometimes people just like to fuck with your heart" ~ a teacher
"So you're having a pretty shity day" ~ a teacher (love 'em both!)
"Did you just say we sounded too butch?" ~Abby
"Don't tell me you were just talking to your vagina" ~ Betsy
"I was salutating my vagina" ~ me
"How to salutate your vagina," say I, Arthur ::leans over to look at my spread legs:: "How do you do?"
"This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this." ~ 300
"I'm so nosy" ~ me
"After all that's what your mouth is for, " ~ Abby. "Yeah. Good things, good things, good things..."~me
"I would rather regret having done it than regret not having tried it at all. Bitching and moaning can come later." ~me
"I'm an appetizer." ~ me
"You're a whanker number 9!" ~Luce and Rachel, Imagine Me and You
"Four Catholics, a Jew, and Taylor," ~we know who we are...
"I'll teach you to float if you push me in," ~Abby's modifying of a song
"Let them have fucking cake!" ~me on the French Revolution
"Were you going to say something corny?" ~Abby
::fart:: ~ you know who you are... lol, best ice breaker in the world
"You guys are so weird!" ~ Rebecca Fleminger
"I just joined a line if lesbians." ~ Ashleigh
"The sea is just a wetter version of the sky" ~ Regina Specktor
"I can't help it if I'm helpless everytime I'm with you." ~ Leanne Rhymes
"I just watched a gay guy gag on mr. pibb." ~ Shane in his nonchalant way
"You stole my cherry!" "That's what she said." ~ me, Shane
"I'm waiting for a certain lesbian to get her ass over here!" ~Courtney
"It's Titanic with nasty teeth." ~ Ms. Hilley on Pirates 3
"I'm looking for corny in my life." ~ The Holiday, Iris
"I never realized how pathetic you were," said a random co-worker, "I know. And I'm totally aware of it," sas Iris. ~ The Holiday
"You're supposed to be the leading lady of your own life." ~ The Holiday
"You kinda had your chance, and you farted on it." ~ Meg
"Patheticness is radiating." ~anon
"I just made a stupid." ~ me
"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." ~ blog things
"I'm trying to solve my life." ~ me
"If my dreams were desitny, I would so be looking forward to my life." ~ me
"It's easier to make a hole than build a pole." ~ Courtney
"Well it sure as shit ain't sad." ~ Danny Ocean
"I'm a lesbian. Hear me roar ::burp::" ~ Me
"I looked at my tarrot cards and you're not in my future." ~ Danny
"...a douche bag with a mowhawk." ~How I Met Your Mother
"I'm pouting. This is me pouting." ~ Meg (over the phone)
"People are stupid. They make me happy." ~ Meg
"It's like a smoking vagina!" ~Taylor
"I just don't want to wake up one morning and discover she's been crushed by a rock slide." ~ Torch Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
"What did you do yesterday that was so funny?" "I smoked a vagina." ~ Taylor, Me
"My dreams make more sense then my life does." ~ Me
"I am an optimist. But I'm an optimist who takes his raincoat." - Harold Wilson
"Oh, she's seen a parrot! That must mean it's all gonna be okay!" -on Pirates of the Caribbean commentary - Keira Knightley
"Those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands, those of you in the
more expensive ones rattle your jewelry." - John Lennon
"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." - R. Kennedy
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin
"The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary." - Vidal Sassoon
"Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood". --Oscar Wilde
"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". ~Gandhi
"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house". ~Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money." ~Robin Williams
"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you 50,000 dollars for a kiss and 50 cents for your soul." ~Marilyn Monroe
"Happiness isn't getting what you want, it's wanting what you got". ~ Garth Brooks
"It not my fault you have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon." ~ Harmione Granger
"You might not like him, but Dumbledore's got style," ~ Harry Potter 5
"Every party needs a pooper, and this family is full of shit heads." ~ me
"Lesbians aren't vegitarians." ~ me
"Sometimes I've believed upto six impossible things before breakfast!" ~ Lewis Caroll
"Life isn't perfect and Walgreens doesn't have what I want, damnit." ~ me
"Stephanie is so good, that she can make people orgasm with her gaze." ~ Chantal
"Liquor in the front, poker in the rear." ~ Shane, from the L Word
"At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate." ~Mererdith Grey's Anatomy
"The world is full of fuckers and they don't wanna fuck me..." ~ anon
"Take a peek into my soul." ~me
"If you want people to stop treating you like crap, stop taking it and demand something better." ~Christina, Grey's Anatomy
"If you have two people ina sleeping bag and they really like eachother, wouldn't that be a fucking bag? A bag in which you fuck?" ~ Erin G
"This coffee tastes like shitty poop." ~ Alice, The L Word
"I know how to break a penis" ~ me (as Gwen in Calling All Girls) blooper
"Mutha fucka!" ~ Calling All Girls
"I'm a hand whore, not a vagina whore," ~ Jessie as Holly Calling All Girls
"I'll cut yo shit off!" ~ Calling All Girls
"There was Holly's va jay jay, flappin' in the breeze *pop air cannon*" ~ Calling All Girls
"Yeah, I'm pretty much dead inside," ~ Holly, Calling All Girls
"I really like sex." ~ Gwen (me) Calling All Girls
"Look, it's suddently fall...it fell today." ~ Tessa
"They're people who know what they're doing. Or at least they're trying really hard..." ~Marcia Kear, on authors who use but, and, or because to begin a sentence.
"Leave me alone and let me come up with my own brilliant shit." ~ me to my literacy narrative
"What if you tried to sing it?" ~ Pris Hagen, on Kevin's and my scene
::runs to door. door won't open:: ~ rehersal for scene with Kevin, me btw
Saturday, October 6, 2007
the pissing off of stephanie
people. they really have a tendancy to piss me off. people that im not even envolved with going out with two people at the same time. grant it they all know about eachother, but still. it's painful. it has to be. i know that when you're with that someone, you feel like they are complete yours. and they are, for that moment, or several moments of breath. but then they go off and belong temporarily to someone else, they simply belong to themselves. which is a good thing, but seriously, make up your fucking mind my God.
i want to be told to go away. to move on. not, there's still a chance, there might be a chance. or if not, to be told, i love you. i really do, but the idea of being with you scares the fucking shit out of me, but i want to be with you. and them actually follow through. no hints. no guess work. no me sitting thinking, oh there is still a chance. i really am loved but they haven't voiced it.
alas, love is not easy. especially when practically one sided, or one admited, and trying and not giving up because really there is no one else.
kick me in the ass. moving away was what fucked that over, yet by moving away i thought i'd get away from it, how wrong i was. not one day passes when i don't think. when i don't remember. when i don't regret going for it more than once when i had the chance.
i'm sorry it's the same thing over and over again. and i am starting to feel redundant to myself.
i do have happy days. i have had more happy days here than i have had in a long time. so it does help. but it doesn't get rid of my love, and i was stupid to think that it would.
i want to be told to go away. to move on. not, there's still a chance, there might be a chance. or if not, to be told, i love you. i really do, but the idea of being with you scares the fucking shit out of me, but i want to be with you. and them actually follow through. no hints. no guess work. no me sitting thinking, oh there is still a chance. i really am loved but they haven't voiced it.
alas, love is not easy. especially when practically one sided, or one admited, and trying and not giving up because really there is no one else.
kick me in the ass. moving away was what fucked that over, yet by moving away i thought i'd get away from it, how wrong i was. not one day passes when i don't think. when i don't remember. when i don't regret going for it more than once when i had the chance.
i'm sorry it's the same thing over and over again. and i am starting to feel redundant to myself.
i do have happy days. i have had more happy days here than i have had in a long time. so it does help. but it doesn't get rid of my love, and i was stupid to think that it would.
Friday, October 5, 2007
life part III
I kind of let Jem drop out the window after that one. I figured I had let myself be hurt too much and I just had to move on. And then Abby came along. She found out, by me telling the dressing room, that I was bisexual. Later that night, while we were in the dressing room again, there were four of us, Abby, Vivian, Abby's girlfriend, and me. Abby just happened to fart, something of which I cannot help but laugh like crazy at. It was an ice breaker. I didn't really think anything could or would happen between us, but it did.
That year we had a trip to New York with the chorus, band and drama department, and Abby was going, as was I. She was sick during that trip. I had bought a scarf, and saw that she wasn't wearing much to keep her warm, and the temperature was dropping rapidly, so I let her borrow it. We had been flirting since we had both gotten roles in Godspell, but it wasn't really anything, and I was attracted to her greatly and jealous of who she did or didn't hang out with, but that was all that happened . Our second night in New York, we went to see the Color Purple; she sat next to me and grabbed my hand. Okay, so I really didn't pay much attention to the show, I was paying more attention to what ours hands were doing to each others hands. The next night, during the Drowsy Chaperone, we sat next to each other again, and during a very lengthy blackout, she kissed me. I had been dying to do it all night, and she initiated it by kissing my neck. I turned to her and we kissed. We made out and I was floating in the air. In the Newark airport, she managed to put her hand down my pants in front of the teacher, chaperones, other students and the whole of everyone who walked by without anyone noticing. That trip she told me that she had things going on with a few other girls too, and I thought "Well, shit there I go."
But it was not so. We kept in close touch over the phone. We kissed more, we flirted more: so much so that Ms. Brooks had to tell us not to be so touchy feely during rehearsals. She said it with an irrepressible grin on her face and I found that I couldn't keep from grinning either.
That year we had a trip to New York with the chorus, band and drama department, and Abby was going, as was I. She was sick during that trip. I had bought a scarf, and saw that she wasn't wearing much to keep her warm, and the temperature was dropping rapidly, so I let her borrow it. We had been flirting since we had both gotten roles in Godspell, but it wasn't really anything, and I was attracted to her greatly and jealous of who she did or didn't hang out with, but that was all that happened . Our second night in New York, we went to see the Color Purple; she sat next to me and grabbed my hand. Okay, so I really didn't pay much attention to the show, I was paying more attention to what ours hands were doing to each others hands. The next night, during the Drowsy Chaperone, we sat next to each other again, and during a very lengthy blackout, she kissed me. I had been dying to do it all night, and she initiated it by kissing my neck. I turned to her and we kissed. We made out and I was floating in the air. In the Newark airport, she managed to put her hand down my pants in front of the teacher, chaperones, other students and the whole of everyone who walked by without anyone noticing. That trip she told me that she had things going on with a few other girls too, and I thought "Well, shit there I go."
But it was not so. We kept in close touch over the phone. We kissed more, we flirted more: so much so that Ms. Brooks had to tell us not to be so touchy feely during rehearsals. She said it with an irrepressible grin on her face and I found that I couldn't keep from grinning either.
Thursday, October 4, 2007
life part III
By this time I was completely over, well almost completely over Ms. Brooks. I still found her insanely attractive, but my thoughts were now focused on Jem.
Jem came with a shit load of emotional baggage. She had been in love with a guy, engaged actually, and that blew over badly. But she was still in love with him, thought he only gave two fucks about her. She believed that it was okay to date a guy and girl at the same time. Stupid as I was, and being new at the whole experience, I clench my jaws and accepted it as best I could.
Our following dates were her behind the wheel in some remote parking lot, and me attempting to teach her how to drive. She didn't like to drive and was afraid of it. Fast was not in her vocabulary and parking was nonexistent. Curbs however, were a regular occurrence and were going over bumps a bit roughly and ripping my fuel tank.
We grew close and I was falling in love. We had a rough spots, or at least I did. It hurt me when she was also going out with a guy. That, and we weren't really, completely official anyway, and that was lovely to deal with.
Winter break came along and I was in a play. My dad went out of town with his wife and offered up his house if I wanted to stay there so I wouldn't have to drive so far to get to the show. I had the notion so I acted on it. I asked Jem if she wanted to come over. After the show that night, we went back to my dad's house. I told her that nothing had to happen in case she didn't want to, or wasn't thinking along those lines. Frankly I don't know what I was getting at either. I didn't know how to go about where each of us would sleep, but somehow, we ended up in the same bed. Nothing major happened. I rubbed her back, became thoroughly embarrassed when she told me that I had to acquire the skill of doing the sexy scratch thing.
The next morning was awkward. I cried after I dropped her off because I felt like something wasn't right. Later on we had a conversation where she said that it shouldn't have happened but it was her damned curiosity that took her there. I felt like shit. I thought it was my fault.
We got passed that and went without mentioning it again. It hit the time of year when I was going to audition for colleges. I had to go to Florida State University for an audition and I asked her if she wanted to go with me. She said yes. So, I picked her up the Friday before we were going to leave and brought her to my house so she could sleep there and we could get an early start the next day. My mother didn't really know what was going on at the time, so that's how I got away with it. Never again will she ever let me do that again. Nothing happened that night either, but we were more open to the idea.
We drove up to FSU the next day and got a hotel room. My stomach was a bucket of worms because of the audition the next day, and because I was sick was a bad cold and my voice was two octaves lower than it usually is. That night in the hotel room, we both showered and then fooled around a bit, but there was no touching of the areas, if you know what I mean…then Nathan called. Everything went to shit from then on. But she did kiss me, twice actually. That was my first kiss, and I will never forget it, but nothing progressed from there because her mind was preoccupied with the fact that Nathan had called. She wasn't flying back into his arms, but she couldn't get over the shock that he actually called her after three months. Needless to say, my soul was wounded and that was not what I needed to prepare myself for the audition.
The audition hardly occurred because I couldn't get a note out for singing. I did my monologue and the dancing part and the director said I could send in a tape. I was shattered. WE drove home that night, and she talked to Nathan again. I kept slipping further and further into a depression. To make things better, that night I found out she had had sex with a guy and hadn't told me. I backed off after that, especially since she didn't call me on Valentines Day's yet she asked me to be her Valentine.
Jem came with a shit load of emotional baggage. She had been in love with a guy, engaged actually, and that blew over badly. But she was still in love with him, thought he only gave two fucks about her. She believed that it was okay to date a guy and girl at the same time. Stupid as I was, and being new at the whole experience, I clench my jaws and accepted it as best I could.
Our following dates were her behind the wheel in some remote parking lot, and me attempting to teach her how to drive. She didn't like to drive and was afraid of it. Fast was not in her vocabulary and parking was nonexistent. Curbs however, were a regular occurrence and were going over bumps a bit roughly and ripping my fuel tank.
We grew close and I was falling in love. We had a rough spots, or at least I did. It hurt me when she was also going out with a guy. That, and we weren't really, completely official anyway, and that was lovely to deal with.
Winter break came along and I was in a play. My dad went out of town with his wife and offered up his house if I wanted to stay there so I wouldn't have to drive so far to get to the show. I had the notion so I acted on it. I asked Jem if she wanted to come over. After the show that night, we went back to my dad's house. I told her that nothing had to happen in case she didn't want to, or wasn't thinking along those lines. Frankly I don't know what I was getting at either. I didn't know how to go about where each of us would sleep, but somehow, we ended up in the same bed. Nothing major happened. I rubbed her back, became thoroughly embarrassed when she told me that I had to acquire the skill of doing the sexy scratch thing.
The next morning was awkward. I cried after I dropped her off because I felt like something wasn't right. Later on we had a conversation where she said that it shouldn't have happened but it was her damned curiosity that took her there. I felt like shit. I thought it was my fault.
We got passed that and went without mentioning it again. It hit the time of year when I was going to audition for colleges. I had to go to Florida State University for an audition and I asked her if she wanted to go with me. She said yes. So, I picked her up the Friday before we were going to leave and brought her to my house so she could sleep there and we could get an early start the next day. My mother didn't really know what was going on at the time, so that's how I got away with it. Never again will she ever let me do that again. Nothing happened that night either, but we were more open to the idea.
We drove up to FSU the next day and got a hotel room. My stomach was a bucket of worms because of the audition the next day, and because I was sick was a bad cold and my voice was two octaves lower than it usually is. That night in the hotel room, we both showered and then fooled around a bit, but there was no touching of the areas, if you know what I mean…then Nathan called. Everything went to shit from then on. But she did kiss me, twice actually. That was my first kiss, and I will never forget it, but nothing progressed from there because her mind was preoccupied with the fact that Nathan had called. She wasn't flying back into his arms, but she couldn't get over the shock that he actually called her after three months. Needless to say, my soul was wounded and that was not what I needed to prepare myself for the audition.
The audition hardly occurred because I couldn't get a note out for singing. I did my monologue and the dancing part and the director said I could send in a tape. I was shattered. WE drove home that night, and she talked to Nathan again. I kept slipping further and further into a depression. To make things better, that night I found out she had had sex with a guy and hadn't told me. I backed off after that, especially since she didn't call me on Valentines Day's yet she asked me to be her Valentine.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
irony...my life...amusement
Really, I am not the kind of person who sit's and looks at the Heavens saying "why me", I'm the kind of person who sits and looks at the Heavens saying "can please explain what's going on?"
Okay, so my duck, yeah, maybe she's not, but really. Anyway, I was in church, just sitting in the pews waiting for Mass to start and there she is. On top of everything else, she's Catholic. Now this could be a good thing, if we were of opposite gender. It poses to be a bit more of a diffucult thing in my situtation. Ugh! It's so odd how many similarities we have even from afar. We look like opposites, but part of our mannerisms are the same.
I want. A long and slow progress is about to be underway. Wish me luck, or pray that my rightful duck will somehow manage to fall into my lap...that would be nice. Even if it isn't a duck, a temporary goose so bird or what not will do for the time being...I'm a reasonable person. I thought I had found my duck, but that kind of shattered. I wouldn't be surprised though if we somehow ironically ended up together. That would be one for me to look back and laugh...very hard.
Well, tomorrow's Wednesday and I have another theory test. Jesus Christ I really need help. I'm just so far right brained that the concept takes forever to pass from the right side and be processsed on the left.
As for the performance yesterday, it was amazing. I think I got the most laughs character wise, or at least I think I tied for first. It was a good first impression for the theatre department, and enough I think to earn the respect of those that are a part of it.
I am satisfied. I just wish that I could understand certain things. Life amuses me.
Okay, so my duck, yeah, maybe she's not, but really. Anyway, I was in church, just sitting in the pews waiting for Mass to start and there she is. On top of everything else, she's Catholic. Now this could be a good thing, if we were of opposite gender. It poses to be a bit more of a diffucult thing in my situtation. Ugh! It's so odd how many similarities we have even from afar. We look like opposites, but part of our mannerisms are the same.
I want. A long and slow progress is about to be underway. Wish me luck, or pray that my rightful duck will somehow manage to fall into my lap...that would be nice. Even if it isn't a duck, a temporary goose so bird or what not will do for the time being...I'm a reasonable person. I thought I had found my duck, but that kind of shattered. I wouldn't be surprised though if we somehow ironically ended up together. That would be one for me to look back and laugh...very hard.
Well, tomorrow's Wednesday and I have another theory test. Jesus Christ I really need help. I'm just so far right brained that the concept takes forever to pass from the right side and be processsed on the left.
As for the performance yesterday, it was amazing. I think I got the most laughs character wise, or at least I think I tied for first. It was a good first impression for the theatre department, and enough I think to earn the respect of those that are a part of it.
I am satisfied. I just wish that I could understand certain things. Life amuses me.
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