the pissing off of stephanie

people. they really have a tendancy to piss me off. people that im not even envolved with going out with two people at the same time. grant it they all know about eachother, but still. it's painful. it has to be. i know that when you're with that someone, you feel like they are complete yours. and they are, for that moment, or several moments of breath. but then they go off and belong temporarily to someone else, they simply belong to themselves. which is a good thing, but seriously, make up your fucking mind my God.

i want to be told to go away. to move on. not, there's still a chance, there might be a chance. or if not, to be told, i love you. i really do, but the idea of being with you scares the fucking shit out of me, but i want to be with you. and them actually follow through. no hints. no guess work. no me sitting thinking, oh there is still a chance. i really am loved but they haven't voiced it.

alas, love is not easy. especially when practically one sided, or one admited, and trying and not giving up because really there is no one else.

kick me in the ass. moving away was what fucked that over, yet by moving away i thought i'd get away from it, how wrong i was. not one day passes when i don't think. when i don't remember. when i don't regret going for it more than once when i had the chance.

i'm sorry it's the same thing over and over again. and i am starting to feel redundant to myself.

i do have happy days. i have had more happy days here than i have had in a long time. so it does help. but it doesn't get rid of my love, and i was stupid to think that it would.