Prediscussion Questions and some more :)

When is a time you faced a difficult decision? What made it difficult?

I am sure that I have had to make difficult decisions in my life, really I'm sure of it. The thing is though, that I'm so firm in my decision that it really isn't difficult. I mean, I could have stayed in Florida for Jem, and I did contemplate that, I won't lie, but the thing is, how could I not come here? I can't make a decision based in the heart though I sorely, and deeply miss her (though I have now decided to move on with my life). But staying for someone other than myself was something I vowed not to do, and cannot do. It's not something that is feasible in my mind.


Other suff....

you'd be amazed at how light you feel when you let it go.

Anyway that wasn't the point of this blog.

I just wanted to let everyone know, I fell on the ice today and cracked it. I was lucky because I thought no one saw it. Yeah, someone did, she asked if I was okay. I was. Wounded pride, laughing soul, and sore ass! Fall number one for the year/season. We'll see how many more will accumulate.

watch the ice!

Purging

am now on the new mindset that I am going to purge myself of everything shitty that seems to come up and bite me in the ass.


I am going to try and look at everything as an opportunity. Every day is an opportunity to live. A gift that we are given to get up and take advantage of all that we've got.

My heart is so shredded from several different things, one in particular as of late. There are so many of you that have helped me keep it together and it means more to me than you know. Victor, my meowums, texas :) Though many of us have only been together for three months, you have all changed me so much and allowed me to see more of myself and the world. I pull my strength from you.

I am a lesbian. It is to the point now where practically everyone here knows it. That is except for Darla and Bruce. Or I should say everyone of importance that it actually matters to me whether they know or not. Nickname The Lez and The Jew(because when you try and type in lez to T9 jew is one of the options. so if your jewish and this offends...you have no sesne of humor.)

I am letting go. It hurts me so much to do it, and I have to constantly remind myself that there is someone out there who will care and love me as much as I care and love her. She's out there. Hell, she might even be here. Which is a bit weird to think of because it is after all South Dakota, but hey you never know. So yes, I am moving on. My heart is ripping from my chest and my soul is bleeding, but in the end, it will actually heal and quit being such a festering wound that keeps splitting open all the time.

Okay, so let's see how long this lasts till I implode. lol, it's okay, I've got writing, singing, and acting as my outlets, I'll be okay :)

Prediscussion Questions 1

What happens when you fall in love?


The world ceases to spin in that first moment of realization and then accelerates into a dizzying state of panic. Whenever they speak or awknowledge you in anyway your heart flutters and you long to be with them. Your skin errupts in ripples of gooseflesh and your body heats wherever they touch you. Kisses linger and can be recalled within a second. No move is regretted, but rather those that aren't taken. The world is an amazing place and it's easy to find the good in it. Your heart is no longer yours, but that of your lover's. But the world dies when your heart is dropped.


What do you value so highly you would go to extremes to protect it? What would some of those extremems be?

I am a naturally adventurous person and though danger may freak out, I've always been the type to want to jump in head first then not do it at all and regret it. So when it says extremes, really I would do anything. I value love. Without love there could hardly be compassion and without that the world would be in an even graver state than it is in right now. I realize that with love, hate inevitabley comes along because you can't have one without the other. So I guess I would value hate because of its connection. Hate is not something that I pride myself in, nor is it something I advocate, but to have love there must be hate so that you can know the wonders of what love really is. It's two extremes.

sicky poo

A cute way to say that I'm hacking up gross yellow green shit. It's no fun, but hey, it won't kill me, so it's okay. I feel like a big walking ball of germs and I'm contaminating everything. I'm not a germaphobe, no not at all.

So my friend Meg came from florida to visit me over thanksgiving. I'm was so glad when she left. I feel horrible saying that, but I did. She didn't want to do anything because it was too cold, so we were cooped up in my dorm room and it wasn't fun. Jem isn't the only one who thinks that Meg's in love with me. A few other people got that vibe too. That kind of bothers me. I don't see her like that at all, and so it kind of kills the friendship mood and just gets annoying. Anyway, I have a new resolution.

I am going to look on everyday as an opportunity, not as a drag. If a day is boring, it's an opportunity to make it more exciting. To use my imagination and find something to do. That's just an example. There are too many things I take for granted, and I realize that. Everyday and second God gives me air to breath, and the gift of life. I need to do something with it! Since I'm so easily amused anyway, why can't I look on life that same way? Find the beauty in the mundane? I mean that's not totally possible because well, let's face it, I can't completely change the way my mind works, but you get my drift I hope. I am going to start rehearsing. No more excuses, not more shit. I am not going to waste my time. There's no point. I want to get somewhere and feeling like I'm not getting anywhere because I'm doing anything isn't going to cut it anymore. So there!

I thought I was going to have the conversation to end them all with Jem. I thought she was fianlly going to let me go and tell me to leave her the hell alone. But she didn't. And that kind of made me happy. It made me happy because she still wants me there even thought she's still scared out of her fucking mind or what not. I dunno. We'll see.

Wow, the discovery channel is just plain weird. I'm currently kind of distrubed. Oh okay, the monkey human gave to baby back. Never mind. Ew! dead monkey human. Oh God this is really weird.

I love these

Heehee. Writing the blog on the day it's due. I lose count, what can I say?

Law and Order is on. Quite the depressing show.

Anyway, I realize that I have abandoment issues. I can up and leave people, like back home, miss them for a little while and then move on and be fine. (Jem is the exception of course.) But when people leave me, yeah I don't take it too well. All my friends are leaving for the weekend. Or at least the ones in this hall are. And several will be gone on Thanksgiving, and I will be here. But at least I have plans. There are a few of us that aren't going home. And my friends is flying up, so it'l be fine. Just weird. Weird to stay in a practically empty dorm since my friend goes back on Saturday.

I was very not there in class today. It was kind of sad. Demoralizing more like it. Meh, I'll get over it. At least they're thought provoking and all.

I miss Jem.

Harrison Burgeron and the avalanch that followed

Wow, so class really pissed me off today. Here was a story that I actually quite liked and had the effect of making me feel pathetic and yet thankful for the shity yet interesting dog eat dog world we live in. But seriously. There were so many gaps in the story that you could...I don't even know what you could do. I'm out of analogies.

Some people need to think before they speak and stop attempting to make themselves sound smart by talking. Yeah, make sure you have something that's actually interesting and thought provoking because it came from some previously provoked thought, or keep your trap shut!

(I'm a currently listening to a song that's called Anthem and this guy is singing about his nation and "let petty nations tear themselves apart", and it just feels very patriotic and rebellious, I don't know why, but thinking about it in the context of Harison Begeron makes me kind of happpy. Okay, now Cell Block Tango is on.)

Anyway, the gaps in the story just kind of made me angry. How were they educated? I mean I'm sure that if you took two people and educated them, except one was educated to a kindergarden level and the other one finished her masters in college, they would totally be on different levels, but they would have each had the capacity to do both. So did they just stupify teach them? They had to learn how to read, you don't pop out of the womb with the ability to read, unless at that point it just becomes something that people can naturally do, which would be pretty cool...

What about equality for sexes? There was still the distinction of who was a man and who was a woman. So how could that be fair? Would sexism not exsist anymore, because I doubt that it could simply just, poof, be gone. And what about racsim? Would people be made white, or black or whatever color as long as it was consistent? How did that work?

I pretty sure homosexuals were far beyond the state of mind of the writer on who's name I just brainfarted on. What about that? Would they be erradicated just like all the naturally handicaped? Those who were below the average line? They can't just delimb people, and there are always going to be the strange unexplainable cases that it just isn't possible to make anyone like that. So do they get killed? Obviously the government has no problem just shooting and killing someone.

I would really like to see how the rest of the world was functioning. Are they all like we are now and wondering and laughing at how shitty the American's have it now? Would they try and save us? Or did they put us there? That's the place of the American's?

There's so much to think about! Ah! I could create my own bloody story to fill in the gaps but I would drive myself mental because it's just not possible. And that's what the writer was trying to say, but yet then there's the reason he wrote it. Another thing about the writer, I thought of this question in class but didn't want to say anything more anymore becuase I was beyond fuming at that point and it wouuldn't have been coherent, the fact that there was a woman in such a high place. Did he think that having women in higher government positions was a way to get into a society like that? I just sort of picked up on a bit of sexism. But then again as a lesbian anything seems like an attack on women. I don't know. I feel better now. It's Raining Men is playing now, Aretha makes me happy.

This is a part of what may be my book...

So last night, in my state of being unable to sleep, I thought that I should put together a little list of things that people should keep in mind as they embark upon their college life, or so other people can know that they're not the only ones. This list is not just of what to do, or what not to, though that is definatly included, but there is a whole shitload of other things I think you will find useful, if not as a sort of preperation, or just funny. Enjoy, as all of this has mostly been my experience so far, or I've heard from others (if it's nasty and totally not me but something I heard, I'll put a little star by it.) PS. This may go somewhere in my book of life that I plan to compile at some point...

1. Get all your shots. Really people, menengitis is not something you want to get. It'll kill you and it's rampant.

2. When someone get's a cold in your dorm, you'll get the sniffles soon after.

3. Toasters may be illegal, but when you have that first toasted bagel for the first time in forever, it's like an orgasm in your mouth.

4. When going to the bathroom at night, watch your fingers in the door. They have a tendancy to get smashed when you're half asleep.

5. You can sleep in college! It's just a matter of finding out when.

6. Hardly anyone goes to sleep before 1 in the morning no matter what day it is.

7. You can do whatever the hell you want and go wherever the hell you want to go. There's no one to tell you no. So go to that midnight movie showing on a Thursday night!

8. You know how high school teachers are always telling you to turn things in on time and that it won't fly in college if you turn a paper in late...lie. Talk to the professor if you know you're needing more time. They'll more than likely give it to you.

9. Game nights are absolutely amazing. No need to go get drunk, just hang out with crazy people and that'll do it for you.

10. For theatre people, memorize your lines. But memorize them so that they make sense and you know why you're saying them and why the other character is saying what they're saying. Best and fastest way to learn them.

11. Be yourself. You'll be amazed at how many people you'll find just like you.

12. Make sure you have a friend with whom you can go spend the night with in case your roommate is.... and make sure your roomate has somewhere to go in case you're....

13. Yeah, that sawing noise upstairs. There's no one doing woodwork at 1:00 in the morning. That's someone getting it on. Yes, you hear it all the time ppl.

14. Girls, I suggest staying in an all girl section/hall depending on the set-up. It can be a coed dorm, but the floors or sections, better go with single gender. Guy's smell like ass and their hallways do to.

15. Guys, if you don't want to see blood all over the private bathroom, I suggest the same thing.

16. You will find very odd things in the bathrooms. Drunk girls seem to like to wave their used tampon about the bathroom. It's gross.

17. You'll inevitably smell throw-up at some point in your residence hall. It's not fun, but you deal.

18. There are no mommys and daddys to take care of you when you're sick, you've got to do that on your own.

19. Don't download porn off the computer while your roomates in the room, especially if you have a limewire pop up thing that tells you what's been downloaded. Same goes for sex toys, porn stories, cyber sex.... just wait till they're not there, it's not that important is it? *

20. Guys, lesbians, and bisexuals. Do not stick starbursts into your lover if you don't like her flava'. You might end up eating her herpes pack. *

21. Do not have your lover in your bed when your roomate might walk in. If this happens, hope your in a loft and hide them under the covers till your roomate goes away. Or maybe you just don't care.

22. The food in the cafeteria starts to taste like carboard boxes. It's not exciting at all. Make sure you have a bit of money so you can go get food else where at least once a week.

23. The grudge people live in the shower. There's hair everywhere girls, so learn to fight that gag reflex.

24. Cleanliness and sleep time are in a constant battle with eachother. Me, who used to have shower everynight before I went to bed, yeah, sometimes I skip a night. Haven't made it to two yet though. Might happen in the winter when it's colder, but that would be desperate.

25. For those moving to colder climates, make sure you know what to get. I'll post up at some point later the things I have and what worked and what didn't...

26. Animals are different in every state. Huge ass chiuahua squirels, and no gators here in South Dakota!

27.Don't bring a shit load of stuff especially if you have no way to get it back home. You'll have no room and your room will be a mess.

28. Laundry! You have to do it yourself! Read the blog about my first college laundry experience and don't let it happen to you!

29. When you get to college, water becomes amazing.

30. At some point your toothbrush might end up in the toilet. Make sure you know how to juggle peeing and holding your tooth brush at the same time.

31. Try not to forget your towel when going to take a shower.

32. Communal showering...ewwness. Being barefoot in a shower becomes foreign.

33. Know the number of the front desk so you can tattle on the people next door who are being too loud at 3 in the morning on a school night.

34. Fire drills are funny. No one has come out in a towel yet though :(

35. A pet fish is a necessity. You have no idea how attached I am to Ralph. If the building were on fire, I would grab Ralph, my blankie, and Softee. and then kindly ask Julia to get my computer.

36. Be social. Get to know lots of people, 'cause sometimes you have to get away from some of them.

37. If you loft your bed, you'll hit your head.

38. Theatre people are the ones who go around talking to themselves.

39. Music theatre kids are the ones who randomly break into song...at any point...for any reason.

40. Movie are the best social gatherings. So don't watch a movie you have to think about, pick one you can laugh about and be distracted at the same time.

41. Calendars are amazing.

42. The days blend in together, yet you still know how far from the weekend you are.

43. Hand sanitizer is my friend.

44. Ask. If you ever need anything, anything at all. Ask. Someone will care.

45. Naked! Only when the roomate is not there.

46. The library is quite an amazing place. Best place to study, personally.